Angry Bitch —

Alright, I've got 15 minutes until the Hamburger Helper's done (Cheesy Enchilada (Rice and Naturally Flavored Cheesy Sauce Mix & Mix Topping)) and I'm going to unpack the long, sordid etymology of the word "bitch" and its effects (fuck, I hate that word... confusing fucking thing... why can't both meanings be spelled one way?) on contemporary... um... stuff.

Uh-oh, Cheesy Sauce hit the burner.

Stinky Cheesy Sauce.

Okay, so, I have no problem tossing the word "bitch" from my verbal armory. I think my most used epithet would be dumbass.

But the word "bitch" is like the word "fuck" for me: I don't use it lightly in public. And I certainly wouldn't say it to a stranger. I was simply livid today and because of her power trippin' attitude (if it was a guy, I'd say he was being a dick, which, to me, does say how a right-thinking man should act... don't be a dick... don't be ruthless and/or inhumane. To me, that's what bitch means too. I definitely recognize the connotations (mouthy, uppity woman; less than human; and sexist), but what "bitch" has always meant to me was something more akin to asshole. People doing stuff to piss others off on purpose.

Anyway, I'm not trying to justify myself (well, I am, but I think that's only natural). I realize I probably pissed off some people and wherever you are, I'm sorry. Including the dumbass who wrote me the ticket. All I can say is that I will make an effort not to say it in the future.

I had to make the effort to remove "retarded" from my vocabulary. Again, not something I would use lightly or in mixed company. Just around friends. Until the time I used it in front of a friend whose sister has Downs.

I used to work with developmentally disabled adults and I stopped using it then because I was so worried about saying it at work.

Look, people, I never promised I'd be perfect, but I am willing to learn.

And while I'm learning, maybe some other people will learn as well. That's the cycle of life.

Incidentally, I wanted to address some of the comments.

Jenny Rose, I didn't mean to imply that she wasn't fit to be a rent-a-cop. (What kind of sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to be an unqualified rent-a-cop?) I intended it as, "You power-abusing mother fucker." I've seen people get caught in this same situation and every single time they say, "Get off at the next stop and buy a ticket."

And I have every single pass for the last year (I write the title of the books I finished that month thanks to the train), so I'm clearly not trying to game the system. It pissed me off and I reached for the first epithet I could find and "stupid bitch" jumped out at me.

Trabbs, I agree with you , but it's probably for the best that I avoid the word altogether (I do reserve the right to refer to a certain ex of mine as such). As far as reclaiming the word, I think there's something to it. Once more, I yield to Lenny Bruce:

Are there any niggers here tonight? Could you turn on the house lights, please, and could the waiters and waitresses just stop serving, just for a second? And turn off this spot. Now what did he say? "Are there any niggers here tonight?" I know there's one nigger, because I see him back there working. Let's see, there's two niggers. And between those two niggers sits a kike. And there's another kike— that's two kikes and three niggers. And there's a spic. Right? Hmm? There's another spic. Ooh, there's a wop; there's a polack; and, oh, a couple of greaseballs. And there's three lace-curtain Irish micks. And there's one, hip, thick, hunky, funky, boogie. Boogie boogie. Mm-hmm. I got three kikes here, do I hear five kikes? I got five kikes, do I hear six spics, I got six spics, do I hear seven niggers? I got seven niggers. Sold American. I pass with seven niggers, six spics, five micks, four kikes, three guineas, and one wop. Well, I was just trying to make a point, and that is that it's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness. Dig: if President Kennedy would just go on television, and say, "I would like to introduce you to all the niggers in my cabinet," and if he'd just say "nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger" to every nigger he saw, "boogie boogie boogie boogie boogie," "nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger" 'til nigger didn't mean anything anymore, then you could never make some six-year-old black kid cry because somebody called him a nigger at school.

silentbeep, you realize I'm not paying you to be ombudsman, right? I just want to make sure you know your feedback is free.

Fantine, I get where your husband's coming from. It's not always easy to understand something you're not. Go privilege!

starling, as a guy, I'm okay with dick. I think it's the same thing, but as a singular guy (for what it's worth), I'm approving the use of a "dick" to describe someone who is a dick.

And now, because of all the bitch, dick and pussy talk, I think we need to revisit Our Anus:



*UPDATE*

I saw her this morning.

I was looking forward to it because I had my pass and I could say, "Here it is, dumbass." She didn't get on where she did yesterday, so I thought it was over. But at Laclede's Landing I saw her standing with some other guards and she saw me. I saw her face change to anger and she started talking animatedly. I could be wrong, but I was pretty sure she was talking pissed about me.

She gets on at the front, I'm near the back. I'm thinking, "Ha, ha got my pass. Oh shit." I remembered. "Now I have to fucking apologize."

When she got back to me, I held up my pass and said, "Hey." She looked at me, but didn't really meet my eyes. "I'm sorry I called you a stupid bitch."

"It's all right," she said. "I'm already over it."

I don't think she was, but I think I definitely caught her off guard. That was kind of satisfying.

Anyway, after I posted this last night I thought, "Damn, I should have looked for a clip of Lenny performing that piece." I looked, but couldn't find any from that specific monologue, but there is this one from Lenny with Dustin Hoffman.

Once in a while I'll get on a self-education kick and research something I've heard about all my life, but never knew what it actually meant. Lenny Bruce was one of those things. I devoured every audio file I could find and grew to love his work. I even bought How to Talk Dirty and Influence People. I grew pretty fond of his standup and his delivery.

So, when I saw Lenny, I was floored. Dustin Hoffman is a fucking genius.

Anyway, I thought the words might have been a little jarring, but the performance makes better sense.