LG Lazarus —

My wife resurrected the phone.

After a day's worth of drying, she plugged it in and the interior screen came on (if a little blobby) and said it was charging.

Last night I tested its texting capabilities by working my liquidized cell into the story.

The keypad is screwy. Each time I reboot it there's some new glitch. First it was typing letters and getting numbers. Then it was type a letter and then it deletes the letter. Tonight on the train I tried adding to the twovel but couldn't get past the first word because the spacebar appeared as "6asfli" every time. Similar randomness for the letters A, D, G and L. M and P were self-deleting. Finally, I gave up.

Maybe tomorrow it will work.

Backspace is 85% useless. The other 15% it deletes the entire post.

The interior speakers worked fine at first, but earlier when I tried to call Methuselah they didn't work at all.

Exterior is completely shot. The screen is distorted white. The ten-key don't work no mo'. The earpiece is muffled, practically nonexistent. I can only hear the other person if I call from inside a vacuum.

And, best of all, the entire thing smells like sour milk.

Hooray for technology!

I am happy to report that my pictures do seem to be in tact, as does the camera.

Sadly, the problem I had prior to the milkbath with the phone intermittently powering down (which I was about to take to Verizon for to repair) has not been resolved.

Note to self: Although insurance plans are typically a ripoff, they are a sound investment for a clod like me.

Currently, the phone is resting snugly in a bag of minute rice in hopes that it might be saved.

So, I just now found these eight simple steps to saving a wet cell phone... I did steps 1 and 5. And I tested it, but that doesn't really seem like it should qualify as a step. Testing it doesn't actually save the cell phone. That's merely verifying whether the first seven steps worked.

I feel kinda ripped off now.

You know what I noticed tonight while we were watching "That 70s Show"? There's a lot of ads for gay male phone dating on during it. Is "That 70s Show" that big with gay men? Or is gay phone dating the new Psychic Solution?

Anyway, I was thinking about what Fantine posted and I thought it was pretty brave of her to lay it all out on the line like that. Then I thought, "Well, why is our health such a private thing?"

I know, I know it could be used against me, but... um... fuck it. I dunno.

Here goes...

I'm 5'7", around 265 pounds (last time I checked). I used to smoke, but I quit (for the most part) a few months back. I don't know my blood pressure, but it has been borderline high in the past. I haven't been to the doctor since I had some kind of virus a few months back. I don't go mostly because I'm scared he's going to want to test me for heart stuff and I know it won't be good and if that's the case, then I'll be obligated to fix it and I don't wanna fix it.

I'm trying to eat better, firstly by cutting back on my portions. I'm trying to do the whole intuitive eating thing. I think I'm getting there.

I don't eat breakfast and only eat lunch if there's leftovers (man, I love leftovers!) at the office. Box lunches are the best!

I don't have time to exercise. I'm pretty physical with my girls (I curl Linny, she's 27 pounds). I'm trying to eat more fruit and vegetables, but I'm nowhere near getting the recommended amount.

And I think that's about it. Not sure what else I could add about my health.

Oh, I have ADD and have been taking Paxil since I was 18 (I know, Paxil is not an ADD drug, but the neurologist at the time read something about it being used to treat adult ADD and thought I might benefit from it... it helps with impulse control a whole helluve a lot), I do need to get a prostate exam by the time I'm 35 (Grandpa died with it) and I produce an inordinate amount of ear wax.

Okay, that may have been TMI.

But feel free to share your story or not. I just felt like matching Fantine's courage with my own story.